Hi Friends  its another long boring Labor Day  in Texas,  I thought when Misti and the kids moved down that I wouldn't have to spend anymore holidays alone.  Boy was I wrong.  I'm waiting to have my home back again.  I sure love my daughter and the kids but I've lived alone for too long now.  I've healed as good as I'm going to so Misti has moved in a mobile home a few blocks away, she hasn't actually moved all the way in yet  she still needs to get her furniture. She went to Oklahoma to visit Angie and to get her stuff at Rays and Chandler went with her  hope he gets along with the other half of the family  they can be a pain.  They were going to take his pickup but the transmission went out on his truck so they could get all her stuff, but they will have to put it off for a while now.  Hopefully it will be soon  they sure need there beds, and its getting harder to let them keep staying here with me. Judy, the manager of the apartments I live it has been very sweet about them staying here its been a little over three months  and I'm afraid her patience is running out. I can't blame her they were only supposed to stay a very short time.  Ok, I've posted for now  maybe I will post again later   Have a good holiday for the Americans  and   splattttt to the Brits  because you have no holiday today.    Bye   hugs to all                                            Alva

Hello Friends  

         It has been ages since I posted here in my journal, not proud of it just stating the truth.  I've had two major surgeries since then so if I seem a little daft please forgive me.  Too much anesthetic I'm thinking.  Have you ever been to the point where not a lot of things mean much to you anymore ?  I sure have and I hate feeling this way.  I really thought I couldn't wait to be with my daughter and grandkids again, haven't seen them for five years.  They have been living here with me since May right after school got out, and I can't remember being this depressed. The day after they got here I got sicker again and had to be rushed to the hospital, never have felt that way before something entirely new for me, felt bad a lot of other ways, but not like that. I ended up being in the hospital for three weeks and had a left side carotid endarterectomy.  It was pretty rough going there for a while.  I kept running a temperature and the doctors couldn't figure out why and they were afraid to do the surgery.  They finally decided to go ahead and do it and I bled into the incision I lost a unit of blood, they had to end up giving me a unit before I could come home, by the way that was my thirty  third unit, thats right 33 units, since I have been sick, which was since Feb. 2002.  Anyway I came home for three weeks and then back again to do the other side. The left side was blocked 95% and the right was  98%.    Because of the illness and surgery my daughter just recently went to work. She is now my home healthcare worker, she is supposed to be cleaning my house.  She has never been much of a housekeeper.  But good news  she and the kids are getting their own place on the first, can't wait.  My best friend, who her husband used to work for, is helping her rent the place and I'm afraid she is not thanking her for doing it. I think she should be very thankfull for any help she can get. The only reason my friend is helping her is because she is worried about me being able to handle the stress. To be honest I'm not doing very well with it, and I am very thankfull she is helping her because now I am broke and can't help her.  I've spent everything I have feeding and housing them.  My phone bill this month was 250.00 I almost passed out when I saw it.  She was making long distance calls and didn't even ask if I had any long distance service.  I had 30 minute free long distance and that is all.  I may not be able to buy groceries for myself this month, I'm so very worried now. I may not be able to pay my bills this month either.  I never talk about money problems, but I'm so upset, If I don't talk about it to someone I may blow up. Sorry for being such a pain in the butt. I can't seem to get her to do things for me that I need help with, like hanging laundry and doing some personal things I need help with.  How do I get her to help me without sounding like I'm griping at her ?  Any ideas ? I'm just so very upset about it  . How can I get her to care like she should ?  Is it so terrible to need the help ?  I have home health because the doctor knows I can't do it myself, I just don't have the energy.  She is also embarressed  by me with the colostomy.  I take very good care of it and never have smells  but I can tell she is.  It makes me so want to cry my eyes out evry day.  I'm in tears right now.  Ok, I'm crying now can't see what I am writing I must go.  Thanks to all my friends, you know I will always be there for you guys, love you.  Please don't be embarressed by me too.  I'm about ready to give up, can't stand to be an embarressement to my kids  just can't take it anymore    Love and bless you all

  

I'm posting today to make a very dear friend happy,  Hi, Maryann, hope you are having  GOOD DAY. I have found the cooliest site for smileys and stationary for your emails and letters.  I'll have to dig out the addy for everyone.  It can even be used in Bravenet. I just wish I knew more about all this fancy smancy stuff.  Like fonts and designs and how to make them work on here.  I'm sure I would post a lot more, maybe, or is that just another excuse.  I guess if I really sat down and messed with it I could, but I'm kind of embarressed to let people know how little I know  about computers .  I have learned a lot tho only been using one for 2 years. I still get to chat with my daughter almost everyday online.  It's the neatest thing  :).  My grandson and I sat and watched each other giggle and laugh for an hour the other afternoon. My son-in-law got on there too, he wanted to apoligize again. I wish he would go on and just prove it and stop talking about it. He says he has stopped drinking and has changed, I sure hope so.  I'm not and have never been against drinking but I do believe that some people just can't handle it and have a family also. My son-in-law is one of those. He just got out of prison for a year because of DWI's and that is something I can't handle. He has a family to support and he can't do it from there. He has promised he has changed and I have told him to prove it to me by bringing my three grandbabies to see me as soon as he can.  He has promised  but no telling if he will do it or not. Thats another story maybe I will tell it at a later time when I need to bitch a little  more.  Ok   folks  time to go     later ya    bye           Alva

          Well folks I was bored so I tought I would write a little update for everyone.  This is so funny but there is absoutley nothing new. My life is so boring.  so sad. M  IMed me and we chatted for an hour or so. We had a great chat he ended up calling me a litle while later. It's very good to hear his voice after all the years, he's always made me laugh.............this could end up being a very nice relationship.

           My daughter IMed me on yahoo messenger today and I missed her, I was napping,   grrr, I was so upset.  I could have shown her a bunch of new pictures of her brother and his girlfriend, and told her again how much I love and miss her. I had to send her a message back sure hope she gets it and calls back soon.  The computer she uses has a web cam so I may be able to see the kids in real time and talk to them too, because I have the microphone too. I was two years ago Easter that I saw them last and was way too sick to be able to love on them much. I was still in the hospital at the time.  Of course the day they came I developed a leak and the nurse couldn't find  the supplies we needed to change it  so I was stuck in the bed.  This was before I went home when the hospital supplied all my supplies.

         Well folks I'm going to bed, but you've all been lucky, you got two posts from me this week. WOOOHOOOO.  life is wonderful and just may be worth living again........talk to you all soon...bye    Alva

Life is amazing,  I will never take things for granted again !

                The evening of October 14  I was surfing on the computer and chatting in ostomyland when someone IMed me on yahoo messenger.  I never answer those because they are always perverts but this one asked me a question I had to answer.   He asked me if I had ever lived in Midland, Texas, which is where I grew up, so I was curious, and answered back that I had.  Then he asked if my maiden name is Howard, which it is, so of course, ( then I had to know who it was ) I said yes it was.  Then I decided I had better look at the name and profile and see who this person was.  It was unbelievable, it was  (I'll call him M) M, he was my first love, it had been 35 years since we had first met. We have talked everyday since.............we'll see what happens...................

                Another cool thing has happened, my daughter, Misti, finally called me, she's doing ok, but that doesn't keep me from wanting to spank her hinny for waiting so long.  I also got to talk to all three of my beautiful grandbabies they sure love thier "Yaya"., and I love them so much and can't wait to see them.  A Grandparents' love is the greatest,  I didn't understand how great until I didn't get to see them for a while.

                 Ok, folks, that the end of this one catch you all soon have a good day.................Alva

My life is about the same, I'm feeling much better and the doc has decided to wait on doing the tests, for now.  He said he wanted to wait because I am improving now and the tests can wait for a little while.    I can handle that but if it gets any worse we will do what we need to.   My personal life is much better. An old boyfriend contacted me on the internet and he wants to renew the relationship.  I'm really excited about it, but I don't want to rush into anything he has two teenage boys at home. He divorced 11 years ago and got custody of his kids.  My kids are grown and I have grandkids, so we'll see how that works out.  I have decided to just see how things go and enjoy myself, he may be just what I need to come back to speed.  The cast is off, hurray, I'm still doing some therapy at home, its to keep my little finger loosened up, the tendons were effected in that area, but other than that I'm doing good.    My son told me last week that he is saving for an engagement ring for his girlfriend.  I was shocked, the girl is perfect for him, but I wasn't sure he knew that . You know how men are, they can't see whats right in front of thier faces. .  She is a very strong young woman, and she could be the best thing for him, shes in college trying hard to get a degree.   Rusty needs someone like her, strong and independent like him.    Ok I've written enough for now, I'll post again soon     bye   Alva

 

Ok I've got to fix this journal up now...company is coming.  Talked to the doctor yesterday......my blood levels are all messed up, potassuim, magnesium, iron almost everything is low. I'm starting on liquid potassium now I'm already taking liquid magnesium, so maybe now I'll feel al little stronger. My arm is feeling better but when I do stupid things it starts hurting again.   my life huh ?  I'm going to a GI doctor as soon as we can set it up, they found some unusual things in the cts, so they want to investigate further.  I'm starting to crush my medication now too the doc thinks it will absorb a little quicker that way, but I have to go to the pharmacy to find out which ones I can crush brfore I start. have to go for more blood work on Monday also. I'll come back and post more laters   have a good day !!!!           Alva    

 

Ok, where to start.....I broke my arm on Friday the 13th....guess that's a good enough start. the results from the tests are back, and so far they say I need to go and have more tests..   wouldn't ya know it  !!    Other than that I've been pretty good. I saw my son, Rusty,and his friends on Sunday for a few minutes, short but sweet.   lol.  The doctor put me on another blood pressure medicine, that makes 6 now...why can't they get it straightened out, driving me crazy.  I'm going to stop writing and work on the journal a little more, spiff it up a little......laterz all   Alva

 

Got the results from CT scan on the bowels.............not real good, they found a thickening in the small bowel, and when they did the bowel ressection they had to remove the cecal valve, where it was they found a "growth", not sure what that means, so I'll be going to the GI doctor now for more tests they are going to do a upper GI series for one test that I'm sure of. I haven't gotten any results on the arterial CT scan hopefully I will know soon he was sending it off to a specialists I believe. I've got a bigger shock tho, Friday I was at the grocery store and tripped over some bags outside the door that had slipped from the stack and landed on my arm and broke it, I also damaged the ligaments in there so I'm going to have to go to a bone specialist because I have osteoporis to make sure it heals properly......my luck huh !!!. Well that's been my news catch ya'll laterz Alva

went fot the Ct yesterday, haven't gotten any results on it back yet, and I'm having a small bowel series tomorrow , my blood work looked pretty good, got a few things going on but it's nothing we can't fix.  I hate those barium tests cause that stuff doesn't come out easily.  Wish I still had the peg tube the I wouldn't have to drink it they'd be able to just pour it in, but that's the only time I wish it was still there I hated that thing.  So nno real results until tomorrow, I'll post again to let everyone know the results. That's all for right now I want to lie down for a while before I eat my last meal today, I'm going to havre to stop eating and drinking at midnight for the test tomorrow.   I may post more later on tonight.         Bye foe now

Alva